What IS Self Talk?
Well, it's the inner sound track of your mind. Sadly, many people I work with have a negative self talk track that plays over and over in their head as if it's on a loop. And interestingly (or sadly), what most of those people say to themselves they would never dream of saying to someone else!
Negative self talk is harmful and useless and can create the reality that we don't want!!
Examples that clients have given me include "I'm too fat", "I can't do it", "I don't think they like me", " I don't deserve to be liked", "I won't get to sleep again now", "It's all pointless"......
I call this voice your "inner assassin" and it takes practice to shut it up, but shut it up you must!!
Consider the following situations and see how negative self talk compares to positive self talk and which sentences make you feel better or worse.
1. It's the afternoon, your mind isn't moving as fast and it's harder to focus:
😫 Negative self talk: here comes my afternoon slump. I’m not going to get anything done now.
😀 Positive self talk: I feel the afternoon drowsies coming, time to take a break and clear my head
2. A client emails you with corrections on some work you turned in the day before:
😫 Negative self talk: oh no – they must think I’m an idiot.
😫 Positive self talk: Great, I can fix these up and get them back to her in no time.
3. You realize you forgot to put clothes in the dryer last night:
😫 Negative self talk what is the matter with me? Why can’t I do anything right? I have nothing to wear! I mess up everything!
😫 Positive talk self talk: oh well. Now I have an excuse to wear a nice dress to run my errands, Im going to look great!
4. Your mother gives you a back handed compliment on your new hairdo with a criticism chaser:
😫 Negative self talk: nothing is ever good enough for her – I’m such a disappointment, why bother anymore?
😀 Positive self talk: as usual, mum can’t be pleased – oh well – I like it!
5. You find out a group of friends got together for coffee and you weren’t invited:
😫 Negative self talk: they must not like me. I wonder what I did to upset them?
😀Positive self talk: bet they had a nice time. I’m going to remind them to call me up next time.
6. You have worked really hard exercising regularly and eating healthy daily. You weigh in only to find the scale shows a gain (we've all been here!):
😫 Negative self talk: what’s the point, why do I even bother exercising and eating healthy? Clearly it’s not working because I gained instead of lost.
😀Positive self talk: the scale might not show a loss but I feel great, my clothes are getting looser, I have more energy, and like being active and all the nutritious healthy food I’m feeding my body.
7. You spent hours & lots of time & energy creating and putting together a new business but it ends up costing you money and not being viable (this was me too!)
😫 Negative self talk: I knew it – I’m a failure at this. Nothing I do is working. I might as well throw in the towel.
😀 Positive self talk: hey, I built a great website and set up a business. I did it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and did it. So what if I didn't sell enough - I was brave, I had a go & it didn't kill me!
So you see, what you say to yourself really influences how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself.
It's essential to start to rephrase the negative chat as positive chat even though it might feel a bit odd at first, it's like strengthening a neglected muscle.
With some clients where the "inner assassin" has been really noisy, I have got them to stand in front of a mirror and tell it to SHUT UP!! (with optional expletives).
With some people, just pointing out that if they wouldn't talk to someone they love like that - why on earth would they talk to themselves like that?
Let's spend 2023 being kind to ourselves. Why wouldn't we?
Photos;
Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
Photo by Alysha Rosly on Unsplash
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